But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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