He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
