I cannot find my penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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