yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
