If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
