I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
PANTIES FOUND
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