i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Send help, water and tortillas.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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