Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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