I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
