I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
