Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
