"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
