OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
