Got a toothbrush?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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