And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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