I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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