Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
