And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
