He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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