Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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