so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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