nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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