i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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