Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
