Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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