I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick