Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3824)
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  (518): View more from New York

  What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.

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  (518): What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store. http://tfl.nu/xk1d
  Replies (2) Good night (2383) Bad night (638)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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  (301): in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/47y4
  Replies (34) Good night (7928) Bad night (1947)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (6209) Bad night (1236)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

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  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10495) Bad night (1301)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?

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  (361): Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home? http://tfl.nu/3vxh
  Replies (2) Good night (2512) Bad night (853)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  oh and then you called a time out with your penis

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  (970): oh and then you called a time out with your penis http://tfl.nu/pj7g
  Replies (8) Good night (2118) Bad night (955)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Even my vagina gasped.

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  (515): Even my vagina gasped. http://tfl.nu/5sis
  Replies (15) Good night (5254) Bad night (1079)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.

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  (416): I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for. http://tfl.nu/1pjy
  Replies (13) Good night (3904) Bad night (1189)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.

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  (856): Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws. http://tfl.nu/oz69
  Replies (16) Good night (2164) Bad night (1288)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (2193) Bad night (667)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?

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  (917): Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now? http://tfl.nu/50ap
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (378)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans

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  (218): I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans http://tfl.nu/y0vw
  Replies (1) Good night (888) Bad night (317)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..

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  (714): It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it.. http://tfl.nu/n2jv
  Replies (1) Good night (616) Bad night (368)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Found the cure to anxiety attacks.

  (425): View more from Washington

  An orgasm

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  (425): Found the cure to anxiety attacks. (425): An orgasm http://tfl.nu/ydc6
  Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (216)

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