so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.