it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.