Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
