I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.