If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
