I just pynch a tree in the face
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
pray to the hookup gods
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
