while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
