So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
