If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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