I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
