I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
