insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
