I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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