Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize