i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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