He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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