mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
