just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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