She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
