we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
