"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
