I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
