I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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