there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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