dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
