I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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