My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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