Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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