I heard we made out
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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