wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
