she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize