and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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