Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
false alarm, still single
Randomize
