am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
