i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
