I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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