What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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