Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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