also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
