Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
