it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
