Im at strip club and am horny
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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