i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
